It's gross to sit on a public toilet seat.

Normally I would say, "Yes, it is gross." Sheila, my mother, taught me well. Rip off three 3-square, 2-ply strips of toilet paper, and place them on the seat accordingly (sort of like a "U"). Hovering is a common option also, but it's always been difficult for me to hover, thanks to the fact that I'm 5 foot nothing and my legs aren't long for shit. That's neither here nor there.

What I will say about sitting on the bare toilet someone has just used perhaps moments before is sometimes, when you see someone you admire (perhaps a certain public figure at your local comedy club) open the stall door after a quick tink, you sort of love the fact that the seat's still warm when it's your turn. Even through the 2-ply sheets, or maybe even barebunned. Yeah, you do, and you're embarrassed about it, but hey, I'm here to say, "No, don't be."

And for all you naysayers out there, I once met a girl who peed in each stall in the Second City's third floor bathroom with the assumed knowledge that Tina Fey had to have used at least one of those at some point. She didn't care that it was most likely over a decade ago. And that, friends, is why sometimes it's ok not to hover or to neglect 2-plying it.