Water doesn't go bad.

Yes it does.

One of my pet peeves (Its name is Michael) is cups of water left around, half drunk, just waiting for those aliens from Signs. Oh, that movie Signs, too, that's a pet peeve. (Its name can be Helen Keller.)

The thing is, water left loafing in a car for more than a day, especially in the sun is quite unhealthy. Water grows mold if left out of doors for a long time. It's just not good to drink old water.

It's icky.

Remember Coyote Ugly? Remember when they yell, "Hello, no, H20!"? Yeah. That's a pet peeve too. (Its name can be Jersey.)

Rompers are Adult Onesies

Seriously. If you can't see this, you must be blind.

I suppose these are a sexier version of the baby onesie.

The Resemblance is Uncanny.

You reap what you sow.

This is quite a karmic way of looking at "Ya got what was comin' to ya." Though it's tough to imagine some Italian mobster actually saying, "You reap what you sow," it is true. Bad things end up happening to bad people, and good to good, and sometimes they get confused, but end up straightening out at some point. Not necessarily with expedience, but in general I'd say this is true, especially if you adhere to the Heaven/Hell Afterlife dynamic.

One thing that bothers me about believing in an afterlife is the concept that Heaven is a reward, something to be worked toward. And while it's not explicitly stated that Heaven's a reward, it's implicit. It's essentially seen as a grown up version of getting a lollypop if you're a good girl and sit still during mass. I don't think this is necessarily what is meant to be taken away from a Christian worldview (or any other religious order for that matter), but it bothers me that it's become this way. The fear of hell shouldn't be what makes you stay within the lines. The joy found in kindness, laughter, friendship, loyalty, honesty, generosity, love, passion, humor, touch, and all things good is what should keep you good. If you really think about it, most everything else ends up savoring of bitterness. Then again, what is good, anyway?

Unrelated Question: The Grim Reaper. We all know him. He essentially "reaps" bad people. So, is he the ultimate bad guy?

Another note: I love the phrase "Sewing wild oats." At the end of my life I'd like to see what's reaped from those.

1. "Money doesn't grow on trees" & 2. "Money is the root of all evil"

Doubling it up, should make for greater rewards, yes? Double or nothing, that's a yes.

1. I wish. Unfortunate fact of the day.

2. I don't agree entirely. I thought it was an apple, no?

Lorne Michaels is to iO what Santa Claus is to the World

They both come around once a year, have a twinkle in their eye and can make all your dreams come true.

"Your eyes are a window to your soul"

Tell that to Oedipus, post complex.

Tell that to a blind person.

Tell that to someone who makes doors.

Tell that to the person who cries on command.

"Any day above ground is a good day." - Robert Gerus

One, have you ever met Job (both the one from The Old Testament and Arrested Development)? I doubt either would agree.

Two, groundhogs disagree.

Three, if you believe in an afterlife, and believe you're going to the good one, doesn't it logically follow that days below ground are probably going to be alright?

Four, and finally, how broken is this world we live in? Pretty broken. So, let's not rub your great life in anyone's face, Mr. Gerus. Not, a Guru.

A "heartbreaker" is worth it

The thing is — you should never listen closely to any of Mariah Carrey's lyrics. But, since I did (i.e. "Heartbreaker"), here's two cents.

Ms. Mimi's tuneage, while good for a nice jog or even blasting during an in house DP throw down, is not one for the realist. What kind of person lets a quote on quote "heartbreaker" get the best of them? I suppose the concept of "best" varies, but truthfully, isn't it just dumb? I don't think anyone is arguing otherwise. What is up for debate is the desire to believe that some people are worth your time, in this case, a heartbreaker. Unfortunately, Mariah hit the nail a little askew, and didn't clarify what a heartbreaker is, and that'd be someone who intentionally leads people on or two times or is just a real jerk.

The late 90s number one hit tosses around way too much trifling verbage, until thankfully Jay-Z makes an appearance. Here's the chorus:

"Heartbreaker, you got the best of me / But I just keep on coming back incessantly / Oh why, did you have to run your game on me / I should have known right from the start / You'd go and break my heart." 

That's right, you should have known.

For reasons unknown this petulant pop beat has been stuck in my head for the last 60 minutes. Enjoy the interesting casting of Jerry O'Connell in the role of Heartbreaker...

Fortune Cookies Give Fortune.

Last Five Fortune Cookie "Fortunes":

1. Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

2. When you can't naturally feel upbeat it can sometimes help you to act as if you did. 

3. You've got what it takes, but it will take everything you've got.

4. Tell them what you really think, or nothing will change.

5. Think of how you can assist a problem, not who you can blame.

None of these give any sort of fortune, not even a little. If anything most of them sound like something the Magic 8 Ball might respond with. The only other idea that could possibly link these little nothing sayings with fortune are the "Lucky Numbers" associated with the quote and Chinese words; and that's only because someone could use the numbers to play the lottery and win. Though, let's face it, everyone loses.

Here's a dumb website: HERE. Waste your time!

Failing Has Value.

“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.” - Woody Allen

Ah, Woody, intense words from a tense man. I love the fact that a guy like Woody Allen, as successful as he is, would feel that he has failed. It's like that one Thomas Edison quote, "I have not failed. I've just found 1,000 ways that don't work."

Granted, it's a little different when your job is "Inventor," but I suppose all writers are also inventors, as are artists when it comes down to it. Creating anything is a form of invention, and it's encouraging to hear that failing has value.

Variety is the Spice of Life:

I think this is why variety shows have time and time again proven successful. It's the unpredictability that comes with variety that I'm a fan of; it's sort of like when you get a bag of trail mix and every time something different pops out. On a similar note...

Over the last week loads of Chicago comedians and improv gods reached for the stars, auditioning for Lorne Michaels of SNL fame, at the iO Theatre. Fortunately for all of us new comedy sponges, we were invited to watch the various performers both Thursday and Friday evening.

And part of the appeal some performers had over others was the vibrant, fresh takes on what makes people laugh. This show which has rotated cast members and styles for over 30 years, clearly is more than just an indication that, yes, variety is the spice of life.

Note to Readers . . .

Last month's efforts at Might Not Be True-ING it were abysmal.

If you see a little splotch of red in your peripherals, and she doesn't appear to be writing, feel free to break her legs.

XOXO,

Gossip Girl.