So, I'm anti wasting money, I'd say. But then again, I'm pro buying shoes based on the fact that they are beautiful and on sale. This quote though has been the platform to which McDonalds has based their "Cafe" advertising. Yes, I wrote a post earlier regarding advertising, McDonalds and coffee — but that had more to do with coffee being the answer to yawning, while four bucks being dumb has to do with the sheer cost of a latte.
Why waste valuable cash money? Reminds me of those new websites where you can track where you spend your money. I'm betting most people spend into the hundreds of dollars on warm beverages at local watering holes. Not even upper class people either. [There's a drive-thru Starbucks near Chicago's Midway Airport being my sole claim to that fact.]
But, it's true, four dollars is a lot, when you think about it, to spend on a 10 ounce drink. But, then again, everything seems to be over-priced when your wallet is thin.
I just wish those hazelnut lattes weren't so tasty.
Socks do not escape the laundry. You, lazy, unattentive, laundry-doer, lose them. Yeah, you.
If you paid attention, you would realize that much of the time socks get split up even before going into the washer, and often once in the washer get stuck to the side of it once they're damp.
As a person who is prone to allergies due to my fair skin and recessive red hair genes, I can say with fullest sincerity, allergies are not all mental, despite Jack Donaughy "overcoming peanut allergies with sheer willpower."
A. JD is a fictitious character.
B. If he were real, he was probably never allergic to peanuts.
C. Because you can't just overcome allergies with will power.
This time of year is a real creep though. Sniffles run rampant. It's partially due to the coldness outside, and it's partially due to the stuffiness and dustiness of houses. Most people don't change their air filters yearly, as they should, so they collect dust and spread it around when the heat's turned on.
In other words, my name is Brigid Marshall, and I'm addicted to Dayquil and Nyquil.
According to this 1990 statistic from Simmons' 1990 Media and Market Study:
Percentage of women who wear lipstick every day: 75
Number of times the average lipstick-wearer applies it daily: 2
Percentage of women who re-apply their lipstickmore than eight times in an average day: 13
So, 75 percent of women use lipstick twice a day for 60 years. That's 43,800 uses of lipstick per woman in that 75 percent of women group. Each tube of lipstick is about 4 grams, and takes about 2-3 months to finish, with each tube having about 450 uses. The legend says that an average woman finishes about 6 tubes of lipstick per year, 360 tubes in your lipstick life of 60 years, which doesn't seem like that much. But the word "finish" needs to be pulled back. A woman might buy 360 tubes of lipstick in her life, about 3.17 pounds, but she probably won't finish them completely to the bottom. If each lipstick is 450 uses, and a woman on average applies 43,800 times in a life, that comes out to less than a pound possibly ingested.
And who's saying she's ingesting all of this anyway? She's definitely "eating" some, which isn't good, as there have been numerous tests concerning the amount of lead deposits in lipstick. But she isn't eating it all.
Men, your ladies are probably consuming 4 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime — as in spending money on it as a consumer — but she isn't necessarily pounding back the LipSmackers.
Basically, this urban myth isn't completely ridiculousness, it's just an exaggeration. The statistic assumes that the average woman applies more than 12 times a day and ingests every last bit of her lipstick tubes, and as we can see from that good ole 1990 statistic up top, it's just not the case. Entirely.
This lie has ruined countless cleansing experiences. Countless.
We've all seen that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler, cute couple that they are decide to take this relaxing bubble bath. The bubbles are everywhere. They're in excess. Excessive bubbles. And it looks perfect. There's a candle lit and a snuggley bathrobe to hop into once you're finished.
But friends, don't let this crazy whirlwind of a show to lead you astray. Bubble baths are the worst. And they never get quite as bubbly as they should. Baths alone are destructive to everything. It seems when your day goes a little worse than you thought it could, baths are usually something suggested out of lack of other options.
"No, no, relax. Let me draw you this warm bath..."
Three problems here:
1. The word "warm." No one wants to take a warm bath because it quickly will become luke warm, and then cold. You've got 8 minutes. Tops. Not worth it.
2. You should know how clean your tub is. Most of the time, it's not very. So, you've first got to hunt for your dinner before eating it, so to speak. Not worth it.
3. Someone is suggesting something "nice" to you. It could be passive aggression. They could know how horrible baths are, and are preying on you, weak-willed human. Not worth it.
It's a tough world out there, but it doesn't have to be tough in your bathroom. Take a shower. If you need to, sit down. But don't soak in your own filth and call it relaxing.
My Uncle Emmett revealed this gem of a joke to me at a funeral reception last weekend. And while, jokes at funerals are typically hilarious, this one really made me laugh. My Grandpa Harry, my mother's father, died last week after a tough few months. We were close. He always made me laugh. And had this Santa-like twinkle in his blue eyes even when he lost his ability to speak, somehow able to make me laugh with his smile and facial expressions. I visited him a few days before he went, he could speak, and it seemed as though his spirits were bright again. He was weak, having been diagnosed with terminal cancer just after Thanksgiving. His birthday is coming up. In a week he'd be 85. February 25th. At the mass this past Saturday I was moved as I heard stories of my grandpa, always working hard, yet never one to turn down a party. So, this joke, really is true.
The difference between our Irish family weddings and his Irish funeral, was simply that he was missing. We were still there celebrating. Only this time it was him we were celebrating.
I used to be of the mind that box-set television was the way, and the only way, to watch television. And, in some cases, I think it's the most enjoyable way to watch a show, i.e. LOST is great to watch in a box-set because so much of it is plot driven, and can be hard to follow if there's a full seven days between watching.
But, tonight I had a life-changing experience. I watched 30 Rock and The Office for the first time since forever while it was actually airing. And there was something strangely wonderful about tuning in at the same time as a million or so others. Knowing I was part of some sort of strange camaraderie was nice.
And, it's not the same as watching a sport live, but it does have similar elements. For the same reason why people enjoy watching live theater, I realized how much I like watching shows during their first airing, rather than the next day on www.NBC.com.
Let me know if there's a particular one you'd like me to put my mind grapes to first...
Global Warming Exists.
Isla Fisher is the best of the redheads.
Socks make the effort to flee the hamper.
The average woman eats 4-5 pounds of lipstick each year.
Allergies are all mental.
"A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be a friend."
"'M' is for Mom Not Maid."
"If friends were flowers, I'd pick you."
Seriously. I think this post is synicism at its highest, but seriously, these little pillows have got to go. I'm pretty sure any Michaels, Joanne Fabrics, or Hobby Lobby, would think this call to arms is sacrilege (not to mention they'd probably go out of business), but for the sanity of the American consumer, that could just be the best thing for everyone.
There was an incident. I was at a Super Bowl gathering and low and behold someone who was foreign was there. AKA 'a foreigner.' Well, I'm apparently horrible at guessing accents, and was convinced this young woman was Polish, obviously because Chicago is the largest Polish populated city outside of Poland. I think it's my lack of foreign relationships and general depth in the last two years since returning from France that's contributed to this terrible state of being. Oh, yeah, I studied abroad in France two years ago. Yikes.
So, at this gathering of young people I've met in the last half-year, this foreign woman — we'll call her Jan, just to level the playing field — and I start to chat a bit. Not about anything in particular, mostly about her roommate's Masters Degree in "Anatomical Drawing of Dead People." That's the official course of study ... I don't think anything of it. So her English isn't so bueno, and whammo.
She leaves. And the talk begins about how this French woman this and this French woman that. Jan's no longer just a foreigner, Jan's a regular Parisian. Well, I should have just kept my puckers closed, but had to tell everyone, that yes, I have been known to on occasion speaka' le français. I even know how to make the "ç" on the keyboard. And so the argument ensued about whether she was indeed French or Polish. It sounds more intelligible than it was. Trust me. In short, outside of Poland, Chicago is the second most populated with Poles. Learn somethin' new every day.
Clearly it takes way longer to get to the center of a tootsie pop. If only we all lived in cartoon life, then we could hang out with turtles, but the downside is we'd get all of our lollys nabbed from an owl. And those talons aren't fucking around. I, along with countless others, speak the truth when we say a. it takes longer than three licks to get to the center part of a tootsie pop, and b. owls are rude.
If television has taught us anything, it's that if it's funny enough and if it's repeated more than three times on one show, then yes, it is indeed socially acceptable.
1. Jack: Jack Welch has such unparalleled management skills they named Welch's Grape Juice after him, because he squeezes the sweetest juice out of his workers’ mind grapes. Liz: That doesn’t even make sense. Jack: No, it doesn’t, does it. I wrote it down in the middle of the night.
2. Tracy(to writers): What else is on my mind grapes?
3. Tracy(to Kenneth): I got something on my mind grapes I need to talk to you about.
I'm not sure if Kesha got the memo, but Mick Jagger has looked like he was turning 67 for the last decade, and now he actually is.
Don't get me wrong, the man's clearly a rock legend. But that doesn't mean he's going to stay perpetually attractive until he dies. He's actually never been terribly handsome. And he's certainly not been gifted with the sort of looks that get better with age, i.e. Sean Connery. Not everyone is.
But I guarantee that if Mick Jagger weren't famous, based solely on his looks Mz Kesha wouldn't think twice about knocking he sorry toosh to the curb.
Life has a way of throwing curve balls. Just when you think you're going one way, you strike out and have to go again another way.
The funny thing about writing about clichés is really how ridiculous everything sounds if you read it aloud.
How many times has someone just told you, "No, no, don't worry. It'll all work out"? And all you can think is, yeah, buddy, what the hell do you know?
I read everything outloud before I publish it, that way I know just exactly how retarded I sound. Can I say "retarded"? Is that PC? Probably not, but I will anyway, because I'm a human being without feelings.
This is another fact or fiction depending on who you're referring to.
Unfortunately for me, I suppose I am pretty vain. See, I often google myself. It's gross. Brigid Marshall and "Brigid Marshall" are my top google searches. For real. I google myself all the time, and because I have a unique name I know what will show up — but recently there's been another Brigid Marshall walking all up on my turf.
Arizona Brigid Marshall (ABM).
And, I'm sure she's a peach, a doll, a good friend, blah blah blah. She friended me on Facebook maybe six years ago or so. I declined, respectively, because I try to only be friends with people on the book if we're really friends, or at least we have met in actual life and want to become friends. It's not that crazy of a concept.
Well, ABM is now a film actress. So it's not anything too high up on the totem pole, or near it, though now I might have to buy the domain name: www.brigidmarshall.com. But man, did I get a kick out of the future employer who will google my name and see this. I hope to heaven that they don't, but also pray they do, and still ask me in for an interview. If you've got 3D glasses left over from Avatar, now's the time to pull them bad boys out.
