Holy God in Heaven, why has no one ever said this to me before? I can't believe this treasure of a rhyme hadn't infiltrated my life until last Monday, April 19th. It was a normal Monday night. I was at The Second City. My last class of the term was due to finish up with about an hour-and-a-half to go. We were having a quick eight minute break. I left the room to stretch my little legs and test out the ladies room. And what do my wondering ears a-hear? "If she smokes, she pokes." That's what they heard, and it made me bowl over in hysterical giggle. I sounded like Tinky Winky from the Wiggles. Then the quick recovery, "At least in high school, she definitely pokes." My instructor dropped this fact casually, as if it was a common observation that just happened to rhyme. The truth of it is that this is so true. It's like those 10th grade females were so far ahead of the game that they not only thought they were 18 and legal to smoke, they thought they were 18 and it wasn't statutory rape. I'm not saying that if you don't smoke you don't poke. Clearly that's not the case with most of America, but it's a pretty good rule if you're between the ages of 14 and 18.
From this cartoon depiction of, ah, yes, "Tonya," her red hair stripe, spaghetti-strapped tank top, piercing green eyes and cigarette, you can
just tell. Smokers aren't only jokers, they're pokers.
Since this a fact vs. fiction blog, I assume fact checking is welcome. As inappropriate as it seems to comment on children's characters in the above sex-related piece, I must mention that Tinky Winky is actually a card carrying member of the Teletubby gang, and does not roll with the Wiggles. On the Wiggles: that crew of turtleneck-wearing aussies are every bit as disturbing as the Teletubbies, but they garner more intrigue as they will certainly alienate many of their now toddler age fans down the road. Let's face it, the acting is terrible, the series will end, and it is highly likely that the Wiggles' future acting options will be limited to "The Thunder Down Under." Imagine the trauma at a bachelorette party in the 2020s, when the future bride realizes that the man who taught her the ABCs now has his junk in her face. I know I would be traumatized if I ever saw Snuffy from Sesame Street showing off his/her genitals for cash.
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