A poor excuse is better than none at all

No, this is not true. Sometimes you just have to:

1. Shut up
2. Save it
3. Button it
4. Lock it up — & —
5. Accept that your ass is grass

Attesting to this fact are three (overly) drawn out examples.

• Much to my life's chagrin, I stinted for a semester as a high school substitute teacher. Low and behold, it is hard to control a class of 30 students when you resemble a hobbit and other teachers ask you for a hall pass. After a grueling many months of that, it is with full confidence I tell you this, a poor excuse is not at all better than none at all. Excuses are for losers. No one cares why you didn't do your homework, they just want it done.

• If we're talking relationships, no excuse is 100 percent better than saying, "Hey, baby, I didn't call you because I found a better option." No one wants to hear the truth, especially if that's what the truth is. And, sometimes it is...

• Moving on to family: missing what was deemed a family obligation, welp, that's just poor form.

Just say you're sorry and move on.