There's a method to my madness

I'd say check out serial killers if you want to see what fucked up looks like.

But, if you'd like to get down to semantics then there's another story here. Madness implies chaos. It implies a sense of "I-don't-know-what's-happening,-but-it's-happening.-Ahh!-I'm-the-Hulk-now"-sort of mayhem only read about in graphic novels and women's self-help books.


The truth is, it's not madness if there's a method. It's all right there in the sentence, friends.

That said, rage, rage, rage, rage, rage, slam poetry, rage, rage, rage.

Say I'm pretty. Now.

You Can't Have Ice-Cream for Breakfast

Peanut Butter Cup, Cherry Garcia, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookie Dough, Double Chocolate Brownie Fudge, Sherbet — these aren't good for you at 5pm. They aren't good for you ever. They're good though. So very good.

Why not start your day off "good."

9am — 1/2 cup of Ben & Jerry's. Sounds right, doesn't it? Just put some gummy bears on the side, and you've got yourself the best start to the day. No eggs necessary.

"Cleveland Rocks"

We've all seen it:


Drew Carey Show

We know it:
"I'll move to Cleveland, the day you get that IKEA."
http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2380267545/
30 Rock

I'm pretty sure that the 2000s got it right. The 90s are out, Carey.

Cleveland does not rock. We're with you Lemon.

dear bike riding.

you are a formidable way to get exercise without paying a gym membership fee.

however. you are not free. nay. you cost my body both time and money. the chiropractor wasn't working out. $250 down the drain. the very cost of a bicycle, upwards of a hundo. a bike light. stolen. or lost. whichever. doesn't matter. fifteen bones cast to the wind.

while you're still the best mode of transport this side of a flat earth, you are no easy feat.

spring, i welcome you. riding will be better. it gets better.

dear nora

My best friend Nora Ephron and I have spent the better part of a week together. It's always fun when a friend arrives from out of town to visit. But I do feel awful that I've been so busy with work and shows. And, yes, of course she understands. What sort of bestie wouldn't? But, what sort of bestie would I be if I didn't feel bad?

I read her book, "I Remember Nothing," and I laughed a lot. But sort of that inwards laugh, that stifled comedian laugh, where I'm jealous that you made my body incapable of resisting reaction. The sort of laughter that a best friend can instigate, one that I wished I could in her.

I'm sure anyone can gather when you have a best friend of such esteem, it's hard to be in the shadow. But, alas, I suppose I understand now how she must have felt with her old best friend, Lillian Helm. I'm jealous of her relationship with Lil as well, I must admit.

It's not fair though. Oh well. I still love her. Even though we're unreciprocated bestfriends.