Clearly it takes way longer to get to the center of a tootsie pop. If only we all lived in cartoon life, then we could hang out with turtles, but the downside is we'd get all of our lollys nabbed from an owl. And those talons aren't fucking around. I, along with countless others, speak the truth when we say a. it takes longer than three licks to get to the center part of a tootsie pop, and b. owls are rude.
If television has taught us anything, it's that if it's funny enough and if it's repeated more than three times on one show, then yes, it is indeed socially acceptable.
1. Jack: Jack Welch has such unparalleled management skills they named Welch's Grape Juice after him, because he squeezes the sweetest juice out of his workers’ mind grapes. Liz: That doesn’t even make sense. Jack: No, it doesn’t, does it. I wrote it down in the middle of the night.
2. Tracy(to writers): What else is on my mind grapes?
3. Tracy(to Kenneth): I got something on my mind grapes I need to talk to you about.
I'm not sure if Kesha got the memo, but Mick Jagger has looked like he was turning 67 for the last decade, and now he actually is.
Don't get me wrong, the man's clearly a rock legend. But that doesn't mean he's going to stay perpetually attractive until he dies. He's actually never been terribly handsome. And he's certainly not been gifted with the sort of looks that get better with age, i.e. Sean Connery. Not everyone is.
But I guarantee that if Mick Jagger weren't famous, based solely on his looks Mz Kesha wouldn't think twice about knocking he sorry toosh to the curb.
Life has a way of throwing curve balls. Just when you think you're going one way, you strike out and have to go again another way.
The funny thing about writing about clichés is really how ridiculous everything sounds if you read it aloud.
How many times has someone just told you, "No, no, don't worry. It'll all work out"? And all you can think is, yeah, buddy, what the hell do you know?
I read everything outloud before I publish it, that way I know just exactly how retarded I sound. Can I say "retarded"? Is that PC? Probably not, but I will anyway, because I'm a human being without feelings.
This is another fact or fiction depending on who you're referring to.
Unfortunately for me, I suppose I am pretty vain. See, I often google myself. It's gross. Brigid Marshall and "Brigid Marshall" are my top google searches. For real. I google myself all the time, and because I have a unique name I know what will show up — but recently there's been another Brigid Marshall walking all up on my turf.
Arizona Brigid Marshall (ABM).
And, I'm sure she's a peach, a doll, a good friend, blah blah blah. She friended me on Facebook maybe six years ago or so. I declined, respectively, because I try to only be friends with people on the book if we're really friends, or at least we have met in actual life and want to become friends. It's not that crazy of a concept.
Well, ABM is now a film actress. So it's not anything too high up on the totem pole, or near it, though now I might have to buy the domain name: www.brigidmarshall.com. But man, did I get a kick out of the future employer who will google my name and see this. I hope to heaven that they don't, but also pray they do, and still ask me in for an interview. If you've got 3D glasses left over from Avatar, now's the time to pull them bad boys out.
